Ok, so how do I start one of these? It's not like I can catch you up on the past 26 years of my life right?
First I want to give a shout out to JC for the inspiration to start blogging. A writer friend once told me that she did not necessarily enjoy writing, but she enjoyed having written. I agree with that statement. Sometimes it is difficult to sit down and express thoughts on paper (or posts) but it's always rewarding. So here goes...
It's the day after Christmas today. I remember as a kid, this was one of the most disappointing days of the year. The anticipation had been building for over a month, but now it was over and almost time to go back to school. Even in high school, I always looked forward to the weekend and dreaded Mondays. Now I'm thankful for a life where I'm not looking forward to anything. That probably came out wrong. What I mean is that I don't want to skip over a single day because each day has the possibility of great times with friends, whether it's a weekday, weekend or holiday.
And today I'm just thankful that I'm no longer pricing my time. You see, for the past two years I have been studying for the CPA exam. Anytime I did anything, whether it was hanging out with friends, watching TV, or even going grocery shopping, in the back of my mind (or the front to be honest) I was weighing the time spent away from studying. As if each hour of the day had a price on it and if I 'wasted' it doing something besides studying, I would pay later. Maybe that's just the way my sick accountant's mind works.
But praise God- I finally passed them all and am finished studying forever. I never thought I'd say this but I'm thankful that it took me so long. The accounting standards I learned may be forgotten or temporarily misplaced, but the lessons I learned are priceless. It's like Rick Warren (and the Bible) said, everything in life is a test. For the first year and 8 months of my CPA endeavor I had been putting God on the back burner. I kept telling myself that as soon as the studying was over I could start pursuing the things God had for me again.
After countless tears and several failing scores, I finally realized that God will never settle for the back burner. He is first no matter what else is going on in my life. After over a year without passing a single exam I finally decided that I was going to throw my efforts into whatever I saw God doing around me. I tagged along with my roommate to a ministry she is involved in called Haven Place. Haven Place is a place for teens and young adults who may have gotten off on the wrong foot in life but are now finding or searching for Jesus. It was at Haven Place that God revealed to me how truly prideful I am. I don't think that I can say that the pride is gone yet, but I'm thankful to at least be aware of it. Pride is number one in the list of things God hates (Proverbs 6:16-19). Pride breeds selfishness and pride says I think my way is better than God's way.
Like many accountants, I have a very analytical mind. Those analytical minds always want to be in control, want to plan, want to know what is up ahead. In my mind I can lay out a timeline and place the events I look forward to in life on that timeline in the order and timing I want them to happen. I don't think there is anything wrong with having plans, goals and dreams. However, there is something wrong with me feeling like a failure for not attaining those goals in the time frame in which I hoped to attain them. That statement may drop open the mouth of a Career Builder writer, but as a Christian, I have to have a different perspective. Isaiah says His ways are not our ways and as the heavens are higher than the earth, so His ways are higher than our ways. He has proven this time and time again in my life. God is concerned about the process. He doesn't really care that I'm a CPA. He cares about what I learned in the process of becoming one.
In the past three months, on top of studying for three rigorous exams, I have had the furnace break, the plumbing stop up, the car die, and the roof leak. I have learned that my best friend and roommate is moving out, have dealt with the loss of some close relationships in my life and worst of all, have had some close calls with a very good friend who is very sick. On Tuesday it took me 12 hours to make a 5 hour drive to Cincinnati. I spent 3 hours on a bridge with my car turned off, learned my way around the back roads of Lexington when a different part of the highway was shut down, and finally got moving again only to hit my brakes on a patch of black ice. As I spinned full circle 3 times in the middle of 75 and came to a stop untouched, I realized that God is in control and I am not. I have learned to look at each of the disappointments and annoyances of the past few months as another test. And I realize that each test, no matter how big or how small, is making me more like Him. So now I understand how James can say that he welcomes these tests. God is going to get our attention one way or another. A silversmith refines silver by holding it in a very hot flame until it is done. How does he know when it is done? He can see his image in it. I would rather be on the broiler than the slow cooker. It may hurt more now but it will be over more quickly. Not that God is ever finished working on us, but the more he does, the more it fills our hearts with his passions and desires and the more joy it brings us. I met an elderly man one time who made a very profound statement. He said, "I cannot be disappointed, period." He had been walking with God so long and trusted him so much that nothing that happened could disappoint him because he knew that it was part of God's divine plan. And he knew that even the bad things which may not be from God, will be used by God for our good.
As 2009 approaches I'm definitely hoping and praying for a better year. But I pray that the lessons of 2008 will not be forgotten. I pray that my eyes will be on Him and that my heart will be passionate about pursuing His desires and not my own.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
